Writing the Story

I am someone who’s always wanted to write my own story. Color the pages vividly, throw paint all over the canvas, populate my life with the most magical things I could dream of. What I’d never considered though, about this narrative where I decide I’m the author, is that I was never meant to be holding the paintbrush so tightly. Curled in my fist grasping for control.

Surrendering to the Lord and His plan has meant giving Him the paintbrush and relinquishing my hold … letting Him in, giving Him space to craft my life ever so beautifully. One thousand times more perfect than I could ever design.

This Sunday at Pine Lake I was reminded that I need not focus on writing my story, or editing it… weighed down with anxiety of what path to choose, of where to go, what to do and how … making mistakes and beating myself up for anything less than success, trying to erase them all. It’s exhausting.

I need to be obedient to what the Lord wants to use me for, for His kingdom.

As a creative person, someone who loves to make and design and do, Its hard to grasp this. It’s been a lesson i’ve had to learn time and time again. It’s hard to accept that I could never create a life even comparable to what my Father has for me. But why strive for something I’ll ultimately fail, when the One who is sovereign over all, has His arm stretched out to me? I’ve had to learn that I must simply engage with my life, read my story, and not worry about writing it, and give the reigns over to the ultimate creator.